irritated mood

i'm in an irritated mood so i'm going to rant. i'm really annoyed and i get annoyed at myself for no particular reason.
it's frustrating.
i've been a person that has always kept what's going on bottled up and i'm trying so hard not to do it at all.
i've been betrayed, screwed and fucked over by people who i thought were my friends and who i thought i could trust with everything but obviously not. how wrong could i be?
people have no idea how hard this is for me.
i make things hard for myself.
i'm not intending to make things hard for myself, it's that trying to explain things, like important things my parents need information for, is always hard for me to do. i've never ever been brilliant at the sort of thing.
it's something i need to work on. god what the fuck is wrong with me?
i've no idea.
i get so worked up at that. gah. is there such a thing at wanting to be a better person? it's something i want to be. maybe it's my new goal. it's what i want to do.

i'm not perfect, i know i'm not but then again who is? i want to change who i am, how i act and everything, not let anyone fuck me over, do everything for myself basically.
can i do it? we'll soon know.
fingers crossed.

i'm sorry i'm not a better person.
 

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